


Countdown To Impact

by ObsidianRomance



Series: Couldn't See It Coming 'Verse [2]
Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: M/M, Mpreg
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-24
Updated: 2013-02-24
Packaged: 2017-12-03 11:43:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,726
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/697894
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ObsidianRomance/pseuds/ObsidianRomance
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jensen goes into labor and Jared turns out to be more than just a ride to the hospital.  This takes place almost 3 months after the events of  the story I wrote for 2people2's prompt, "Couldn't See It Coming")</p>
            </blockquote>





	Countdown To Impact

**Author's Note:**

> Pairing: None right now, very strong hints eventual J2  
> Warnings: cursing, hurt!Jensen, mpreg!Jensen, angst, schmoop, graphic birtth

Jensen wakes up in the middle of the night and his breath is knocked out of him

He wasn’t really sleeping, he hadn’t been able to find deep sleep for months, since his daughter liked to press on every organ in the most uncomfortable way, regardless of how much he shifted or propped or tried to rationalize with her.

He’s been miserable all day and his back is killing him, but it hadn’t been as bad as it is at the current moment.

He doesn’t realize he is taking quick intakes of air until the pain ebbs and he falls into normal breathing.

Putting a hand to his back, Jensen pushes himself off the bed and heads to the bathroom.  It’s two in the morning and he’s more than just sleep deprived.  He makes note of the fact that he passes more of that mucus plug thing his doctor warned him to look out for and knows his daughter can come any day now.  He’s 39 weeks, he’s good to go.

Returning to bed, Jensen can’t get comfortable.  He twists and turns and groans in annoyance for almost 15 minutes before his groan turns into a moan of pain as his middle tenses up again like the cramp that woke him.

It hurts, but it isn’t terrible.  It is, however, enough to make the pieces click and his stomach drop out.

He had plans for this.  He swears he did.  Only, he can’t think of any of them right now.  It is the middle of the night and he is all alone and probably in labor.

Somehow, he lies to himself, convincing himself into believing that he _isn’t_ in labor and he decides to wait it out to make sure.

Sure enough, almost 15 minutes later Jensen is cursing and breathing through a strong cramp.  He’s certain that he’s in labor now but he isn’t any more certain as to what he is supposed to do.

It takes another contraction for him to get on board and he remembers.  He is supposed to call Jared.  That had been the plan for the last two months.  Jared is supposed to take him to the hospital.

His hand is shaking slightly when he reaches out to grab his phone and dial Jared’s number.  The phone rings three times before the call is connected.

“Jensen?”  Jared’s voice comes across the phone heavy with sleep and confusion.  “Everything okay?”

“Yeah, I-I’m okay.”  Jensen sits cross legged on his bed, one hand rubbing over his contracting middle.  “I’m in labor.”

“What?”  Sounding instantly more awake, Jared practically yells into the phone.

“I’m having contractions.  Real ones.”  Jensen pauses when he hears a scuffle, a thump and then a curse from Jared’s mouth.  “Did you just fall out of bed?”

“Huh? What?  No.”

Jared isn’t fooling anyone and Jensen can’t stop a laugh, despite the situation at hand.  “You did.  You fell out of bed.”

“So?  You just dropped a bomb on me.  Cut me some slack.”  There is a sharp intake of breath over the phone.  “Are you okay?”

Jensen hisses in discomfort.  “Yeah.  I’m okay.  I think.  But can you, can you come?  Please?”

“On my way.”  There is another scuffle over the phone and Jared sounds out of breath.  “I’m coming.  Sit tight.  I’mma get you to the hospital.”

“Okay.”  Jensen nods along with the conversation before he hears Jared trip over something, curse, and the phone go dead.

Jensen sits in silence, unmoving for the moment, until pain rolls through him and makes him shiver.  He doesn’t know if he is shaking because of the pain, the chill in the room, his nerves, or maybe all three, but he can’t stop himself.  He starts shaking so much that he feels nauseous, a sick feeling building up in his gut and making him scramble as best he can towards the bathroom.  He’s freezing and he isn’t looking forward to spending time on the cold bathroom tiles.  Instead, he grabs the edges of the sink and vomits the remnants of his dinner into the basin.

It’s where Jared finds him 20 minutes and two contractions later after the man lets himself into the apartment with the key Jensen gave him for exactly this situation.

“Jensen!”

“I’m okay.  I just…ugh.”  Jensen coughs before throwing up again, arms still shaking.  He doesn’t see it happen but he feels Jared wrap him up in the robe he keeps hanging off the bathroom door and hold him steady until the queasiness passes.  “Baby had other plans for this evening.”

“Yeah, well, we are going to get back to the original plan, okay?  Get you to the hospital.”  Jared leads Jensen out of the bathroom and back to the bedroom, helping him take a tentative seat on the edge of the bed.  “You doing alright?”

“Mmm hmm.”  Jensen nods before landing a hand on Jared’s thigh and squeezing.  “Oh wow…this hurts.  Hurts more than before.”  He grimaces and shivers through the contraction.  When he comes down from it, he notices his fingers are squeezing into the unclothed – in the middle of winter – thigh of his friend.  He looks Jared over; the man’s hair is a mess and he’s in a tank top, boxer briefs, and untied sneakers.  Jensen flushes and looks away on instinct but he can’t help himself, his eyes land on Jared’s boxer briefs again.  “Did you leave the house without getting dressed?”

Jared looks down, almost surprised to see Jensen is right.  “Well, I was rushing.  I wasn’t thinking.  I wanted to get here.”

“Jared, this is going to take a while.  You could have put on pants.”

“I _wasn’t_ thinking.”

“You should probably put on pants before we go to the hospital.  There are some in the bottom drawer over there, sweats from before I was pregnant that will probably fit you.”  Jensen points to said drawer and pretends not to watch Jared’s ass as he walks away from him.

Jared returns with a pair of grey sweats and holds them up to Jensen with an air of his normal jovial nature.  “These are yours?  Dude, you were small.”

Jensen wrinkles his nose up in annoyance, practically growling.  “Jared…”

“What?  These are small.  I’ve never really seen you as anything but pregnant.  Sorry.”  Jared looks Jensen’s pregnant form over, stopping at the white tee stretched over his full term belly.

“So…you’re calling me fat?”  Scowling, Jensen  puts both hands palm down behind him for support.

“No!  Not at all.  It’s just an idea of what you looked like _not_ pregnant.  You don’t keep many pictures around.”  Jared tugs on the pants, the elastic waist adjusting to his build, before he heads towards Jensen.  “Listen, you’re not fat.  I’m sorry if it came off wrong.  I’m just curious to know more about you.”

“Oh….Ohh!”  Jensen cringes and grabs onto Jared, leaning forward with both hands coming to his belly.  “Oh, ow!”

Jared runs his hand along Jensen’s middle as well, pausing to feel the muscles harden.   “Okay skinny, let’s get you to the hospital.”

Nodding, Jensen thinks that is a much better idea than bantering about his pre-pregnancy size.  The contractions aren’t unbearable, but they are showing signs of going in that direction, of getting stronger.

They’re in the car, heading to the hospital when Jensen gasps.  He freezes in the passenger seat of Jared’s Jeep and frowns.  They’ve been driving for 13 minutes and he’s already called his doctor, been told that heading to the hospital is _exactly_ what he should be doing, when he feels something give way.  He presses both hands to his middle and realizes what just happened.  “Jared?”

“Huh?”  Jared doesn’t take his eyes off the road.

“I think…I think,” Jensen looks down and sees wetness soaking his pants and seeping into the seat’s material under hip.  He’s bent at such a way that when his belly contracts, he can feel the fluid, hot and sudden, run down his leg.  “Shit, Jared…My water just broke.”

“Just now?”  Taking his eyes of the road, he catches Jensen looking down at his body like it betrayed him.

“Yeah it…Ohh god, it is getting all over your car.”  Jensen grabs the door handle and squeezes down as the most intense contraction he’s had thus far creeps up on him.  “Shit, that hurts.”  More liquid soaks the seat and Jensen’s breathing speeds up.  “I’m sorry.”

“Who cares about my car?  It’s okay.”  Jared reaches over and puts one palm on Jensen’s middle, feeling Jensen’s spasmodic breathing.  “Come on Jensen, breath.  It’s okay.  I don’t care about the car.”

“Okay.”  Jensen focuses on Jared’s palm rubbing oddly calming circles over his swollen middle and gets his breathing back to being focused and rhythmic.  

He still feels terrible about Jared’s car, but Jared doesn’t seem to care.  If anything, his friend looks more determined to keep Jensen calm and get him to their destination. Still, he's never going to be able to look at Jared's passenger seat the same way again.

**************

“Oh my fucking god!”  Jensen lurches forward and grips at the rail of his hospital bed with one hand and Jared’s offered hand with the other.  He closes his eyes and wants to pretend the rest of the room doesn’t exist.  He knows Jared is staring at him and he is simultaneously horrified and relieved by that fact.  He is glad Jared is there for him, giving him much needed support, but he is ashamed at how vulnerable and exposed he is.  He’s in more pain than he expected and he can’t help himself from yelling about it, making him feel weak in front of Jared.  He thinks maybe Jared would be handling this better, might even be making a joke or light of the situation.

Jared is rubbing the small of Jensen’s back, humming soothingly in a manner that usually grounds Jensen.  Usually.

Right now, Jensen hurts so bad that he can’t remember that he likes Jared, that Jared isn’t the enemy at this point.

“It’s almost over.  Just power through it.”  Jared lets Jensen squeeze his hand like a trooper.

“ _You_ power through it!”  Jensen snarls, voice gruff

“Jen…”

“Shut up!”  Jensen holds his breath and feels the pain hit its peak, he’s sure it can’t get any worse, but then it does.  “Shut up!  Oh fuck, I can’t do this.”

“Yes you can.”  Jared isn’t fazed by Jensen’s bullying.  He stays exactly where he has been for the past hours, since they’ve been admitted, not leaving Jensen’s side for a minute.

“Can’t.  Jared, I can’t.  I’m going to screw it up.”  Jensen takes a deep breath, the pain tapering off and bringing back his rational brain.

“You’re not.  There is no way you are going to screw this up.  You’ve been the best damn pregnant person that I’ve ever known.”  Jared smiles when Jensen brings their conjoined hands to his baby belly.  “You’re going to deliver a healthy little girl.  Right, alien?”

“You’ve got to stop calling her alien.”

“Can’t.  She knows her nickname already; it would just confuse her.”

“I’m sorry.  I didn’t mean to yell.”

Jared shrugs innocently and puts on a face of mock confusion.  “You yelled?  Where was I?”

Thankful for Jared’s unfaltering understanding, Jensen smiles on an exhale of air.  “And you are going to stay, right?  The whole time?”  Panic built up slowly.

“The whole time, just like we planned.”  Jared nods reassuringly.  “You’re doing good Jensen.  I’m sure it’s really hard, but you’re doing so good.  You’re at seven centimeters.  Three more, right?”

Jensen snorts and falls back on the bed, burying his face in the pillow.  “Ohh god, _three_ more.”  He groans and feels a contraction starting to build.  Every time the pain builds up like this, he is sure that his daughter is about to make his appearance but then his doctor comes in an tells him he’s got more dilating to do.

“Another?  Already?”  Jared’s back to rubbing Jensen’s back.

“Don’t touch me.”  Jensen squeezes his eyes closed and focuses on breathing, trying to ride the pain.  He opens his eyes and sees Jared holding his hands up in surrender and he puffs out an apology.  “I’m sorry.  I can’t…just…don’t touch me for a minute.”  He makes a whining noises and feels like his daughter is splitting his pelvis.  “Ow, shit, shit, shit.”  He writhes on the bed and grits his teeth.  He feels a weird hot stickiness between his legs and blindly reaches out for a hand that he knows Jared is already offering.

“Jared…I think… _fuck_ …I think I need to push.”

********

“Yep! We’re going to get you up and pushing.”  The doctor smiles up at his patient and pats him on the thigh, Jensen’s legs still spread open from the examination.  “You’re ten centimeter’s dilated and fully effaced.”

“Really?”  Jensen lets out a pant and stares at his doctor.  “ _Really_?”

“Yeah, the baby’s ready.  You ready?”

“I…”  Jensen takes a look at Jared; he has no idea how to answer the doctor’s question.  “No…I’m not…”

Jared crowds Jensen’s space, blocking all the man’s thoughts from anything that isn’t Jared.  “You’re ready.  It’s okay.”

“Okay, yeah.  I’m ready.  Gonna have my baby.”  Nervous eyes darting to Jared, Jensen swallows hard.  “Ohh god, I’m gonna have my baby.”

“That’s kind of the point of this whole process.”  The doctor laughs and makes quick work of breaking down the bottom of the bed so that Jensen’s rear is right at the edge, giving him easy access to assist in the birth.

A nurse helps get Jensen re-situated, repositioning his legs at a slightly different angle in the stirrups and putting him in a better sitting position.  She smiles the same smile Jensen has gotten used to seeing on the nursing staff and nods towards Jared.  “Is he going to stay in here for the delivery?”

“Yes!”  Jensen clutches at Jared’s hand to make sure no one is taking him away from the situation.

“Okay, Mr. Ackles.  We’re not kicking him out.”  She smiles again and moves aside so Jared can get closer.  “Is he the baby’s father?”

Jared coughs in a sudden outburst of sound and dumbly points to his chest.  “What? Me?  God no.  I’m just a friend.”

“Yeah, he’s just a friend…wait…what?  ‘ _God no’_ , like it would be the worst thing on earth?”  Jensen stares at Jared, he’s being testy but he is riding the edge of pain and he’s hurt.

“Wait, no, Jensen…that’ not what I meant.  I just mean, I’m not the baby’s father, because, you know, I’m _not_.”

“Yeah, well, you sound awfully glad about that.”

“I’m not _glad._ Jensen, what the hell?  Why are we even having this conversation?  She asked if I was the baby’s father.  I’m not.  End of story.”

“Well you didn’t have to say it like _that_.”

“I didn’t have to…what?”  Jared’s head is spinning but he realizes it is the wrong time to argue.  “Okay, you’re right.  I’m sorry.  I didn’t mean for it to come off like that.”

“Well, if you don’t want to be here, you don’t have to be.”

“Did I say that?” Screwing his face up in disbelief, Jared stares at the laboring man.

“Yeah, you practically did.”

“You were the one who called me, remember?”

Pain clouds his thought process and Jensen yells louder than he realizes.  “Well then, just get out of here if you don’t want to be here.”

“Jensen, I…”

“Get out!”  Cringing, Jensen curls over his belly and groans.  He shakes slightly from the intensity of it and curses.  He has his legs spread and he’s feeling overly exposed with way too many people looking at parts of him that only people he could count on one hand have seen.  That exposure is making him overly defensive, because it is the only thing he still has control over.  “Out!”

“Fine!”  Jared pulls away, hurt radiating from his movements.  He backs away from the bed, walking without truly looking where he is going, like his brain isn’t on board with his body’s retreat

Jensen can’t watch Jared because his doctor is forcing him to pay attention to the task at hand.  “You’re ready.  On the next contraction, do you think you can give me a nice strong push to see what we are working with?  Just push all the way down here.”

The next contraction is _now_ ; Jensen takes a deep breath and holds it as he pushes, body going rigid and lungs resolutely holding onto their air.  When he releases it he yells out, searching for Jared frantically.  Pushing is a relief but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t scare him.  “Jared!  Come back!  Please?”

Jared doesn’t even hesitate.  He spins on his heels and resumes his position beside Jensen.  “I’m right here.”

“I’m sorry.  I’m really sorry.  I just…” Jensen dissolves into strange sobbing, choking, breathing.  “I’m sorry.”

“I didn’t say I was glad I wasn’t the baby’s father.”

“I know.”  Jensen shakes his head up and down rapidly.  He does know.  He does.  He has to keep reminding himself that.  He needs to remember that Jared is not Peter.  Jared has never broken any of his promises…at least not the important ones.

“Jensen, this little girl needs you to push, okay?  Can you come back at it?”  The doctor’s voice is loud, demanding attention.

“Please don’t go anywhere.”  There is desperation in his voice as Jensen grabs the back of his legs.  The need to push is drowning him and he bears down as hard as he can, working with the contraction for it’s entirely.

“Great, Jensen.  Keep going.  We’re going to count to ten, try to push through the whole thing?  One – doing great – three, four – keep it up.  Push, push, push. – seven, eight – perfect – ten.  Come on, come right back at it.  One, two…”

Jensen groans before losing his grip on his thighs and falling back onto the bed in a huffing mess.  He starts shaking again.

“Jensen, you need to push.  Just a few more seconds and you can relax.”

Nodding, Jensen holds his breath and pitches forward, pushing as hard as he can and holding the push until his contracting middle takes a break.  Easing up on his efforts, Jensen relaxes for the moment and blinks helplessly at Jared.  “Please, Jared.  I need you.”

“I’m not leaving you.”  Jared takes Jensen’s hand in his again.  “Not leaving.”

The relief on Jensen’s face doesn’t last long, it is quickly replaced by pale clammy skin.  “Oh god, I’m going to throw up.”

Like a pro, Jared pushes Jensen up into sitting position so he can gag into the silver kidney shaped bowl offered up by a nurse.

“Oh god, this is disgusting.  You can go if you want to.  I don’t want to make you stay.”  Jensen groans and spits to clear his mouth, swearing there was nothing left in his digestive tract.

“I want to stay.  It’s just throw up.  It happens.”

“It’s just,” Jensen moans again and lurches forward, retching and heaving up the emptiness of his stomach, “I want to die.”

“You’re not going to die.”  The doctor pats Jensen on the inside of a quivering thigh.  “You think you can push again.”

The nurse takes the bowl from Jensen’s white knuckled hands and the man resumes his position in holding his legs back and open.  “Uggh!”  Jensen works with the contraction and pushes.  “Oh, god…Jared!”

“Right here.  You’re doing good.”

Jensen feels Jared’s hand at his back, feel’s the man pushing him up into a sitting position and he knows it’s time to push again.  Only he doesn’t want to, because it burns and he’s sure he is about to break the skin on Jared’s hand with the press of his fingernails.

“Burns.”

“Head’s coming.”  The doctor helps support the parting folds of skin as Jensen slowly pushes more of the curved skull into view.

“I _know_!”  Jensen tightens his grip on Jared’s hand; he doesn’t care if he is breaking bones at this point because he is too consumed with the urge to push.  Jared’s not complaining, he’s all confidence and reassurance and Jensen wants to cry because he is nowhere near as capable as Jared keeps saying he is.  He starts making rapid panting noises and bears down steadily, legs shaking with the effort.

“Good job!  Almost out.”  The doctor wipes the area and gives Jensen a reassuring smile.  “You’re doing perfect.  Just keep breathing nice and deep.”

“Wha?”  Sounding like he just came out of a fog, Jensen pants for air.

“Nice deep breaths Jensen.  And light pushes.  The widest part of her head is coming now and you’re doing wonderfully.”

Groaning, Jensen falls back onto the bed.  He makes a familiar gagging sound and Jared has him pushed up in seconds flat, providing the metal bowl that has evidently become part of this routine.

“It’s okay, Jensen.  You’re okay.”  Jared rubbed a hand in comforting circles across Jensen’s back while the laboring man was consumed by his pain induced retching.

“I don’t want to throw up anymore!  I don’t want to do any of this anymore!”  Jensen lets out a pathetic sob and he can’t even remember his own name as nausea takes over.

Jared shushes him and pushes his damp hair off his face.  “Just let it happen.  It’s okay.  Doctor says it’s perfectly normal.”

When finished for the time being, Jensen’s breathing is ragged and coming in irregular increments of lungfuls of air.  He feels Jared wiping at his forehead with something cool and moans into the gesture.  The action is so tender and sweet that Jensen thinks maybe he should be feeling self-conscious about it, but he wants this process over with as soon as possible and he’s stopped caring hours ago how intimately involved anyone in the situation is.

Jared sighs, feeling simultaneously helpless and concerned.  “Hey, Jen, it’s okay.  You’re doing good.  You’re almost done.  But you have to breathe, okay?  Breathe for your baby.”

Jensen, eyes lock with Jared’s, nodding briefly before scrunching his eyes closed and groaning.  He tries to focus on breathing more effectively, makes slight progress, but then yelps when his pushing increases the stretch and burn feeling he is experiencing.  “Get her out of me!”

“You’re doing that yourself.  Keep pushing.  Little push, little push.  Perfect!”  The doctor smiles and helps ease the head out, suctioning her mouth and nose before clearing off her face.  “Head’s born.”  He looks up at Jared, “She’s almost here.  You want to see?”

“No! Um…no.  I’m good on this side of the action.”  Worried he had answered too hastily and was going to have a repeat performance of earlier, he looks towards Jensen who is consumed in yelling through a push.  “Not because I don’t want to be here…but because I…”

Jensen grabs him by the collar of his shirt and snarls.  “You are _NOT_ looking down there.”

“Right, I’m _not_.”  Jared shakes his head.

Jensen’s eyes practically roll back as a particularly strong pain radiates through him.  His heart speeds up even more and he can’t stop himself from pushing hard, legs shaking and shifting as he tries to kick out and press against the stirrups.

“Come on Jensen, go for it.  Give it everything you’ve got and she’s here.”  The doctor checks the monitors to his left and nods at Jensen.  “Let’s go, right now, big push.”

“Nngh!”  Jensen squeezes his eyes shut and buries his face in the crook of Jared’s neck.

“I’ve got you.  You’re freaking amazing, Jensen.  You can do this.”  Jared curls his fingers into Jensen’s palm and holds him tightly as Jensen continues to grunt through a long push.

Jensen feels something give, something push free that makes the rest of his daughter slide into the world with ease.  It’s unsettling because he realizes he’s lost all control of the situation now and what happens next doesn’t depend on him at all.

“It’s a girl!”  The doctor holds the baby with one hand under her rump and one to support her neck so that Jensen can get his first look at her.  Her mouth quivers open and she lets out a shrill cry, filling the room with reverberating wails.

Jensen lets out a breath of laughter as he looks between his legs and gets his first glimpse at his daughter.  Everything still hurts but he doesn’t care.  He just wants to stare at the wiggly mass that is _finally_ out of him.  Exhausted, he flops back onto the bed, panting heavily but making sure his eyes never leave his daughter.  He gives a squeeze to Jared’s hand before loosening his grip but still keeping it curled around his friends.

“Hey, Jen, your little E.T. is here.”  Jared smiles big.

“Yeah.”  Jensen watches as the doctor flips her onto his belly and a nurse towels her off while he clears all her airways.  She is screaming and clearly doesn’t like being towel dried, but she looks okay.  “Hi, pretty.”  His eyes flicker to the doctor’s.  “She’s okay?”

“She looks good.  Got a set of lungs on her.”  The doctor clamps the newborn’s umbilical cord and turns his eyes up to Jared.  “You want to cut the cord?”

“I…uh…yeah.  Yeah!”  Jared perks up but then gives a hesitant look to Jensen.  “I mean, if that’s okay?”

Jensen gives a relieved snort, relieved to be at the end of his labor, to have his daughter finally here, and to have Jared still right along with him.  Things were a blur but he is pretty sure he was a bit of an asshole to Jared.  But Jared is still sitting right beside him, happy eager puppy look on his face and hand still curled up in his own.  He can’t think of anyone else he would want to have the honor of cutting his daughter’s cord.  “It’s fine.  It’s more than fine.”

“Cool.”  Jared sucks in his bottom lip and smiles.  His fingers toy with Jensen’s momentarily before he pulls away and takes the scissors the doctor is offering.

Indicating between the two clamps, the doctor gives Jared a reassuring pat on the back.  “Here.  Cut here and we can give her to daddy.”

Jared does as instructed with a proud grin on his face and within seconds the little girl is whisked away to get checked out and wrapped up.

“Thank you.”  Jensen turns his head so he can face Jared with a tired smile.  “I’m sorry I was such an idiot.  I didn’t mean any of it.”

Jared laughs and falls back into the chair beside Jensen’s bed.  “It’s alright.  You kind of had a human coming out of you…that is a pretty flawless explanation for being a little bitchy.”

Cringing at the remembrance, Jensen frowns.  “Still, you didn’t deserve that.  I wouldn’t have been able to do it without you.  And I’m not just saying that.  I mean it.  I don’t think I could have gotten through the last few months without you.  I don’t…I…” Jensen hic-coughs and gives up on speaking.

“Hey, no tears.”  Scooting closer, Jared uses his thumb to wipe away the early flow of tears.  “It’s okay Jensen, I mean it.  No hard feelings.  Besides, I didn’t do much.  You did all the hard work.  That healthy baby over there, that is _all_ you.”

“No, but you…you…” Jensen sucks in a wavering breath.  “Thank you.  I couldn’t mean it more.”

Jared smiles softly.  “Anytime, Jensen.  That’s what friends are for right?”

The words make Jensen’s face contort into something unreadable.  “Yeah, uhh…yeah.”  He wants to say something more but there is movement catching Jared’s eye and his neck snaps quickly to catch it.  Jensen follows Jared’s gaze and finds a nurse walking towards them with something tiny cradled carefully in her arms.

“Here you go, little girl.  Here’s daddy.  He worked _really_ hard to finally get a chance to meet you.”  The nurse leans down towards Jensen, whose arms are already reaching out to get a hold of his daughter.  “You ready for her?”

Nodding quickly, Jensen smiles.  “Yeah, I,” he catches sight of his daughter’s scrunched up face and his heart melts, “ohh, sweetheart!”

“She’s all yours.”  The nurse finishes transferring the baby to Jensen’s arms with a smile.

Jensen’s brain gets stuck on loop.  He stares down at the little being making soft wet whining noises and can’t complete complex thoughts.  “Hi.  Hi baby girl.”  Pulling the infant closer, he snuggles her to his chest, tilting her so that he can pepper kisses across her head.  “Hi Amy.  You’re so beautiful.”  The doctor is still doing something between his legs and he knows he will have to push again in the near future, but for the moment, he is falling into the new parent cliché of nothing existing but him and his newborn.  Amy’s face is red and angry from birth, but it’s round and chubby and her lips curve up like his.  Her hair is fine but it’s there, covering her head in light brown strands.

The baby yawns wildly, ending it on the note of a sob, and Jensen coos at her.  “Oh baby, I’ve been waiting to meet you for what feels like forever.  And now that I have, I was right.  You are perfect.”  He looks up at Jared, tears blurring his eyes a little.  “She’s perfect.”

For once, Jared looks to be at a loss for words.  “I can’t believe you made that.  I mean…that is insane.  And I _watched_ you make that…well for the most part.  Not in a creepy way.  And she’s like…”  Jared scratches at his head and smiles.  “Jen, you made a person.  How cool is that?”

Laughing, Jensen blinks away the wetness in his eyes.  “It’s pretty cool.”  Nuzzling the baby, Jensen’s heart feels like it exploded, making him feel all kinds of intense emotions mixed with love and the fact that he is going to be 100% devoted to his daughter.  Looking at Jared, he notices that man looks almost as awestruck as Jensen feels himself.  “Do you want to hold her?”

“Can I?”

“Yeah.”

“I just…I don’t know how.  I’ve never held a baby before and I don’t wanna hurt her.”  Pursing his lips together in worry, Jared looks aimlessly at the baby.

“There’s nothing to it.”  The nurse who had placed Amy in Jensen’s arms makes her presence known and takes a place beside Jared.  She leans forward, pausing to make sure everyone is on the same page, and scoops Amy up from Jensen’s hold.  “She’s wrapped up nice and tight.  All you have to do is support her head and hang on.”  Pressing the baby into Jared’s unsure arms, she makes it hard for the man _not_ to accept the newborn.  She holds on until Jared has a secure grip on her, slowly transferring all of the hold to the man.  “That’s right.  Hold her just like that, right in the crook of your arm.  Perfect.”  Getting a more confident grip on the baby, Jared smiles; only then does she pull away with a knowing smirk on her face.  “You got it down pat.”

Laughing, Jared looks at the baby in slight disbelief.  “Hey, I’m holding you.”  His smile extends from his lips to both eyes, and he lets out another shaky laugh.  “Hi little alien.  You’re a lot cuter than any alien I’ve seen.”  He turns his smile to Jensen, beaming at him with a ‘look at what I’m doing’ grin.  “Although, you are a little wrinkly.  Not E.T. wrinkly, but halfway there.”

“She’s _not_ an alien, Jared.”  But Jensen’s voice holds more laughter than anger.

Feeling more brazen in his hold, Jared tilts the baby up so that Jensen can get a clearer view of her face.  Bouncing her gently, Jared spoke in imitation of the movie.  “ _E.T. phone home._ ”

“Not funny.”

“Hey, she’s my little alien, okay?  It’s how we met.”  Jared coos down at the baby and before he realizes what he is doing, he drops a kiss to her forehead.  “Right Amy?  You’re my little extraterrestrial?  Huh?”  Wiggling his nose at the baby, each of his sentences rose in pitch at the end.  “You’re so sweet.  It’s weird to finally see the little being who liked kicking my palm.”

Jensen, watching their interaction, makes a hitched breathing sound and Jared turns his attention to the man.

“Jen?”

Jensen blinks his eyes several times before covering them up with his own palms.  Shaking his head, Jensen attempts to get rid of the situation before him.

“Hey, Jen?  What’s wrong?”  Concern flooding his expression, Jared sits up straighter in his chair.

“It’s nothing.”  Despite his words, however, Jensen lets out a louder sob, one he can’t cover up with his cupped hand.  He loses his battle of trying to hold off tears and his face scrunches up into uncontrollable crying.

“Woah, hey, Jen…why the tears?  Everything is okay.  Amy is okay and she’s perfect.”  Jared, as best he can with Amy in one arm, leans forward and pushes Jensen’s hands away so that he can attempt to brush away the man’s tears.  “Jensen?”

“She is perfect.”  Jensen inhales though his nose and tries to compose himself, brushing at his eyes with the backs of his hands.

Nodding in agreement, Jared screws his face up in confusion.  “Yeah, she is.”

“And she’s okay.”  Nodding along with Jared, Jensen calms himself to the point that his words are easily made out, only to dissolve into tears again, making his words come out garbled.  “And you’re holding her.&rdquo

“Woah, wait, why are we crying again?”  Cupping his palm to Jensen’s shoulder, Jared squeezed.  “Jensen, there is no need for tears.  Here,” he stands up and awkwardly transfers Amy back into Jensen’s arms, “see, she is great.  No tears, okay?  Everything is fine.”

Having the opposite of Jared’s desired effect, Jensen only cries louder with Amy in his arms, choking on breath after breath.  He looks at his daughter, all sweet and happy and innocent, and can’t stop himself from falling apart.  She is all he has in the world and he is all she has.  It isn’t enough.  She deserves more.

“Jen?”  At a loss for words or actions, Jared stares helplessly at his friend.

“I…”  Jensen forces his lungs to stop spasming so he can get across words he knows he probably shouldn’t utter but feels like he will suffocate under their weight if he can’t.  “I wish she was yours.”

“Wha…?”  Jared’s eyes blink open wider as he reacts to the shock of hearing something so unexpected.

“She’s perfect and healthy an-and with her in your arms…I wish she was yours.”  Jensen clings to Amy tighter, his tears falling onto her still wet head.  He can’t help himself from making the thought known.  It has been building in his head ever since Jared first showed, and kept showing, his baby belly any attention.  At first it was just a thought of it being nice if Peter had cared about their daughter so much, then it morphed into realizing Peter couldn’t hold a spotlight to who Jared was and he remembered that he and his daughter were better off without the scumbag.  And over the last couple of months, Jared had been more of a friend and family member to him than anyone else.  He wants that for Amy.

He’s been trying to convince himself that is where his feelings for Jared are overflowing from, that when his heart flip-flops in his chest when Jared touches him, smiles at him, or even breathes around him, it is an extension of his want to have Jared in his daughter’s life.

But after Amy’s birth, with his brain barely handling _actually_ being a parent, he doesn’t have the strength to deny it anymore.  There is a part of his brain that very much wants a ‘happily ever after’ situation, where Jared is the one he ends up with and they raise Amy together.  And now he’s just told Jared such, or at least a part that would help him piece it all together.

Jared is staring at him, lips moving but nothing audible coming out.  He wants to tell the man to forget about it, that it is nothing, but he can’t because something hurts with an aching familiarity.  He gasps in surprise of the sudden onslaught of pain and everyone’s eyes are drawn to him.

“Jensen, I need you to try pushing again.”  The doctor is still between his legs, only this time, his face is betraying him.  His look is more intense than routine and he is staring at Jensen with the heavy weight of his instruction.

Someone takes Amy and Jensen really should care more about that but he can’t seem to find anything he can focus on with any type of clarity.  He pushes and it hurts, hurts as bad as when he delivered Amy but it is different.  It is something inside.

“Come on, push again.”  The doctor brings up the back of a hand to push back his glasses and Jensen can see his gloved hands tinged in cherry red.  It makes him want to vomit again but he isn’t sure he even has energy for that.

“Ugh!”  Jensen tries to push and it makes him dissolve into a yelp.  He looks to Jared, like he’s done too many times in situations involving a hospital bed, and can’t get any real words out.

The color is gone from Jared’s face when he pushes himself out of the chair, every muscle in his body taut with alarm.  “What’s going on?”

No one paid him any attention until that moment.  His presence suddenly made known, the doctor gives him one glance before returning his attention to Jensen and yelling at those surrounding him.

“Someone get him out of here. “  He gestures to Jared with his head while still focusing on Jensen.  “He’s bleeding too much.”  Turning to a nurse, “A little help here?!”

Jensen turns to Jared who is giving one hell of a fight about being pushed out of the room.  They lock eyes for a second before Jensen screams out and something shatters behind Jared’s eyes.  Then everything is muted, faded, going black.

The pain is still there but his grip on it is fading fast and when he gets the energy to blink his eyes open again, Jared isn’t there.

**************

When Jensen forces his eyelids to part, focus, and scans the room, he knows exactly what he is looking for.  His eyes land on Jared, the man seated beside him but too preoccupied with looking at the baby in his arms to notice that Jensen has his eyes trained on him.

“Why,” Jensen tries to get the word out but has to give it a second try because his voice cracks and his throat is dry.  Swallowing, he presses forward.  “Why am I not surprised to see you here?”

“Jensen!”  Jared jumps in his chair, eyes blinking faster than usual and worried muscles twitching his eyebrows.  “You’re awake!”  His smile takes over and he leans closer to the bed, not that he could get much closer than how he’s already saddled the chair up to the bed.

“Yeah, or some semblance of it.”  Groaning as he shifts, Jensen tries to sit more upright.

“Hey, take it easy.”  In a swift movement Jared has a hand out to steady the other man.  “How are you feeling?”

“I feel…sore.  Tired.”  Jensen yawns and tries to make sense of how much time he’s lost.  “Really tired.”

“Yeah, you kinda had a rough go of it.”  Reading the puzzled look in Jensen’s eyes, Jared presses forward.  “You had trouble passing the placenta and they had a hard time stopping your bleeding.  Shit, it was _scary_ Jensen.  They got it under control eventually, and you’ve been out cold for a few hours.”  He laughs softly, “This is kinda how we met – you unconscious in a hospital room.”

“And you’ve been here the whole time?”  Jensen widens his eyes at Jared before drifting his gaze down to Amy and he wonders how long the two of them have been sitting there.

“Yeah, for as long as they let me.  They wouldn’t let me near you for a while but when they went through your records and couldn’t find any numbers or names for kin, and saw that I was your only emergency contact, they lightened up.  They still wouldn’t let me see you, or her,” he nodded to Amy.  “So I…”

Jensen is out of it but he can still recognize the mischievous smirk on Jared’s face.  “What did you do?”

“I told them I was your boyfriend.  They knew I wasn’t her father, you – we – made that pretty clear earlier.  But…”

“You _what?_ ”  Jensen pushes up fully in bed, the pain in his lower region muted by what he is hearing.

“I told them I was your boyfriend.  I guess that fact and me being an extreme pest finally wore the hospital staff down.  They let me sit back here with you and the nurse that helped me hold Amy for the first time had pity on me said I could hold her again, that she wouldn’t tell if I didn’t.”

Jensen looked at Jared, touched by the lengths he went to in order to stay by his side but not totally shocked.  “You…”

“You don’t mind?  Right?  I didn’t want this little girl to be all alone, and she was hungry, and…”

“You fed her?”  A deep shuddering breath escapes Jensen’s lips as his lungs hitch.

“Yeah, I…Jen?  It’s okay, right?”  Jared pushes out of the chair with Amy tucked safely in the crook of his arm.  “She’s still eating.  You can finish feeding her…”  He gently lays Amy in Jensen’s arms, resulting in a whine of protest from the baby when he has to dislodge her hold on the bottle to do so.  Quieted again when Jared nudges the nipple at her lips, she latches on again, sucking happily while Jared makes sure Jensen has a good hold on the bottle.  “It’s okay, right?”

“Yeah, Jared.  Yeah.  It is more than okay.  It’s…it’s more than I expected…”  Jensen takes a deep breath and holds it for a moment in an attempt to stifle his sobs.  “It’s…it’s too much.  You didn’t have to.”

“I wanted to.  I’ve been waiting to meet her since she let me feel her kick for the first time.  And she was all alone.  We kept each other company while you were down for the count.”  Smiling sheepishly, Jared pushes his hair out of his face.  “I didn’t know if I’d be any good with a baby, but she’s pretty easy to love.  And she went easy on me.  Only spit up once.”

Jensen lets out a laugh through his tears.  “Ohh, only once, huh?”  He looks down at Amy.  “Well aren’t you lucky, little girl?  You have a guardian angel to look over you too.”  Smiling down at the baby, Jensen becomes transfixed by the way her lips work at the bottle’s nipple and the way her sucking makes her face move.

“Guardian angel?”  There is interest in Jared’s voice as he sits back in his chair and crosses his arms over his chest.

“Yeah, I uhh…” A faint blush creeps into Jensen’s features and he peeks at Jared before returning his gaze to Amy.  “You were kind of my guardian angel when we first met.  I don’t think I ever told you that.  But, you were.  You kept me company, kept me from going down a very dark hole that I’d been down before.  And now you’re doing it again, making sure Amy is okay.”  Jensen looks up at Jared and hopes the man doesn’t think he is pathetic for placing so much importance on their friendship.  He finds his friend looking at him with soft eyes and a warm smile, and he realizes – hopes – that maybe Jared took it exactly as it was meant, as a testament to what an important role Jared plays in his world.

Tilting his head and looking at Jensen from a sideways glance, Jared smirks.  “Yeah?  Really?”  When Jensen nods, Jared’s smile increases.  “Well, I mean…huh.”  Jared’s got that happy puppy dog face on and Jensen can practically see the wheels in his head turning as he tries to gather his thoughts.  “It was nothing.  It’s just…it’s who I am, I guess.”  Jared scratched at his jaw, still smiling the whole way.  “Besides, she really is adorable.  Way cuter than E.T.”

“She is cute, isn’t she?”  Jensen watches Amy nodding off to sleep, lips still around the bottle and mechanically suckling in varying increments.  “I was afraid that when I looked at her, I’d see Peter.  It scared the shit out of me.  But I don’t.  I don’t see him at all.  I see me but mostly I see her, this perfect human being that I’ve been blessed with.  To hell with Peter.  He couldn’t have any part in something this perfect.”

“Yeah, Jen…about what you said before I was kicked out of the room…”

“Oh god.”  Embarrassment makes Jensen cover his face with his free hand, blush heating his cheeks.  He hadn’t forgotten the revelation he gave Jared, but he thought maybe they would push past it like it never happened.  “Jared, about that…I didn’t mean –“

“Yes you did.  You’re a terrible bluffer.  I may put my foot in my mouth all the time but it is usually because I state the obvious.  And you _meant_ that.  It’s obvious.” Jared’s eyes go serious.

“I just…I…”  It takes two calming breaths before Jensen gets the courage to turn back to Jared.  “You’re so good and I want _that_ for my daughter.  You’re the best person I know and…and you’re my best friend and I’m sorry if I screwed that up.”

“Screwed it up?  Really?”  Jared pauses and pulls back in surprise.  “Screwed it up?”  A laugh erupts from Jared’s mouth and he can’t stop it from escalating to the point where he needs to step away from the situation for a moment.  “Oh my lord, Jensen, how would you think you’ve screwed anything up?  Do you really think that you could ever screw anything up with me?  Or anything else for that matter?”

Jensen doesn’t know what to say so he takes the safe option and stays silent.

Jared laughs again.  “You really don’t know, do you?”

“Know what?”

“Remember when I showed up at your apartment a month ago and told you that you were my favorite person.  And then I kissed you, right on the lips?  And you said I didn’t mean any of it because I was drunk?”

“That’s because you _were_ drunk.”  Jensen remembers the instance perfectly; it is burned into his brain.  He remembers being woken up in the middle of the night by Jared pounding furiously at the door and opening it to find his goofy smile and laughter.  He remembers Jared babbling about how he _had_ to come over because he missed Jensen, because Jensen was his favorite person ever.  And then Jared had kissed him.  It was quick and uncoordinated and Jensen could have sworn it was an accident.  He saved Jared the embarrassment and treated it as one straight off the bat.

“I _wasn’t_ drunk.  I can’t really drink, remember?  One kidney and all.  I was just…I don’t know.  I had spent the night talking with Megan and I realized that you really were my favorite person.  I guess it got me a little over excited.  To be fair, I hop around like a teenager on a sugar high half of the time, so I guess I can understand why you thought I was being silly.  But then you brushed it off so fast, I figured you didn’t feel the same way, so I left it alone.  Rather have you as a friend than chance something unreciprocated.”  Jared laughs again, shaking his head in disbelief.

Brain stuck on one fact, the surprise that floods Jensen’s features moves in slow motion as he speaks dumbly.  “ _I’m_ your favorite person?”

“Yeah.”

“You-you have _a lot_ of people.”  Sucking in the corner of his lip, Jensen feels his emotions welling up again.

Jared stops laughing, stops smiling his big silly grin and his voice go quiet.  “None like you.”

“I…” Jensen’s voice is tinged with the promise of a protest, leaving him unsurprised when Jared cuts him off quickly.

“And Amy and I have been talking.  We have a date next week at your place.  She was thinking dinner and maybe an encore viewing of _E.T._ , since she wants to know what her nickname is all about.  I told her I’ll bring the milk.”  Smile back in place, Jared is blushing, ruffling the back of his hair while watching Jensen’s reaction.  “She said you could join us if you wanted to.”

“Jared, you don’t have to…umph!”  Jensen’s eyes shoot wide when Jared shocks him with a kiss.  It is just closed lips against closed lips but Jared lingers there for a moment, sighing before nudging his lips into Jensen’s with a jerk of his head.  When they break apart, Jensen is just as wide eyed when they are staring at each other, inches apart.  His heart is hammering in his chest, and he can’t wrap all logical thought around the fact that he still has a best friend, a best friend who is making it clear that he wants more just as much as Jensen does.  In the span of several hours, he’s had a daughter and a revelation and it is almost too much.  He doesn’t want to cry again but he’s feeling more than a little off his game and everything is more intense.

“I meant that one.  I wasn’t drunk.  It’s just me.  And it’s just you.  And I mean it.”  Jared’s face is flushed, his heart pounding just as hard as Jensen’s.

“It’s not just me.  I have her.”  Jensen shifts Amy so that his daughter fits snugly against his chest, her baby fat cheek lying on his shoulder.

Shaking his head, Jared blows a piece of hair out of his face.  “You know what I mean.”  Jared’s voice is soft as he reaches out a hand and traces his fingers over the shell of Amy’s ear.

Rolling the tail end of their conversation over in his head, Jensen smiles.  He had smiled more in the last three months than he had in the past year and it had _everything_ to do with meeting Jared.  It had to do with himself too, since Jared had given Jensen the confidence to appreciate himself again, to have faith in himself.  But, the increasing smile on his face at the current moment was _all_ Jared.  “We have to stop having these types of moments in a hospital room.  We should stick to one of our apartments or something safe that doesn’t involve medical professionals.”

“Yeah, yeah we should.”  Jared covers the hand Jensen is using to keep Amy safely against his chest with his own.  “So does that mean you are in for our triple date?”

Nodding, Jensen presses his lips together in a smile.  “You know, I think I might have chocolate syrup, if you want to spice things up.  You can live on the wild side and have chocolate milk on our...date.”  His eyes squint up in a smirk.

“Oh, I love spicing things up.”  Winking, happiness exudes Jared’s every pore.

Jensen is tired and sore, muscles he didn’t even know he had throbbing, but he can’t stop himself from thinking he is floating on air.  He’d succeeded in having a healthy baby and the workings of a healthy outlook for his own life.  And Jared is giving him that smile he’d seen so many times before, the one that meant Jensen had done something amazing in his eyes.  And Jensen is damned if that type of appreciation isn’t infections.

The feeling is mutual.


End file.
